And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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