she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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