hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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