My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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