when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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