Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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