what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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