Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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