Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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