She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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