I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
