I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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