when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
