walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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