Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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