Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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