You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Never joke about your clitoris.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
