help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
