You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
