He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
