im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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