Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
