Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
