I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize