sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
