Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
