someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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