the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
