would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
