I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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