I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
