he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
