I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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