I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
this is an emotional support booty call
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
