I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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