and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
