She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
