He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
