what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize