Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
