thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I love black thongs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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