Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
