Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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