I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
