I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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