I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
