awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
