the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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