I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
