are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
