I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
