:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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