what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
