you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
