i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
