Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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