i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
