don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
