If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize