i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
