You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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