Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
