cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
