he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
