nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
