I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My dick has a subreddit
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
