cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my being single is dangerous.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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