Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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