Screwed.edu
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
