You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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