Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
