K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
