I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
