those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
