Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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