respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
